I’ve been a little under the weather this week and have been out of the office, lazing around watching Netflix and drinking hot tea. There is much value in slowing down, although I don’t recommend getting sick in order to do so. When you do get that down time, you sometimes realize how fast life is going and that you’ve been rather spinning. In those moments, I try to slow down and look for things that bring comfort. So, this morning, I tuned into the NPR All Songs Considered Podcast. Wow, so soul-inspiring. The song list included: 1) John Denver: “Poems, Prayers and Promises,” 2) Tom Adams: “In Darkness,” 3) Sharon Van Etten: “Come Back Kid,” 4: SOAK: “Everybody Loves You,” 5: Miya Folick: “THingaming,” 6) Jason Lytle: “Color of Dirt,” 7) J.S. Ondara: “American Dream.” I loved all of the songs, but the song that stood out to me this morning was John Denver’s, “Poems, Prayers and Promises.” Talk about a song that just hits you right in the middle of the heart.
“Poems, Prayers and Promises” resonated with me deeply. Maybe it has to do with getting older, but lately, I’ve given much thought to the days of old, reflecting on raising my daughter, going to graduate school, and even further back to high school and college. Reminiscing about easier times. When my daughter was growing up, I taught piano to mostly young kids, but a few adults, so I could be home with her. I felt pressure to get a full-time job to supplement our household income, but I’m so glad I didn’t. It was a slower life back then, characterized primarily by being a mom, my most favorite role ever. My daughter is now in college, and I’m working full-time, trying to achieve clinical licensure. The chapters related to raising a family have closed, and new ones have opened. I’m not particularly enjoying the new chapters as much as the older ones.
I guess it’s taken me this long to realize that after all of the graduate school, student loans, ambition, and achievements, I’m pretty tired. And more importantly, I realize that it was primarily to gain a sense of self worth and significance. After a lifetime of feeling invisible, one desires nothing more than to be seen and heard. Adoptee stuff.
What I’m learning is that life is so much more valuable than achieving. It’s about enjoying every minute of it and letting go of *!@# that brings you down. I wish that I could impress that upon my daughter, who is just starting her life as a grown up. She is doing so well, despite many challenges in her beautiful, young life. Motherhood taught me a lot about life and love and ease. I guess that’s why I miss it so much, not that I don’t continue to mother, it’s just different now. This is what I know: Hold the people and things you love the most close to your heart everyday. That is why I need to get back to Taiwan. To see my birth family. Yes, there is something to be said and learned from achieving and making a difference. But, life is short, and you cannot go back. Do what makes you happy, and don’t let naysayers dissuade you. Surround yourself with others who support you and your dreams because God knows, life is not always easy. I wish that someone had told me these things when I was a young woman.
So, I’ll continue marching on toward achieving clinical licensure, and we’ll see what lanes open up. I truly hope that it has not all been in vain, as things that are most valuable do not come by way of a diploma or a degree or clinical hours. There are moments in time I wish I could redo; nevertheless, life is precious. Your life is precious. Every single minute of it.