Tag Archives: Music

music to my ears

One of the things I love about Saturday mornings is doing absolutely nothing. I love to start the morning slowly with no agenda. This morning I practiced yoga, had a cup of black tea and made pumpkin pancakes. Then I listened to Beethoven’s “Emperor” Piano Concerto (No. 5 in E-flat, Op. 73) performed by pianist, Maurizio Pollini, and conducted by his son, Daniele Pollini, with the Sinfónica de Galicia. It literally brought tears to my eyes – not only the beautiful performance by a much older Pollini, but to see father and son perform together. How meaningful that performance must have been for them both. How often do musical performances you listen to bring tears of pure bliss?

Piano, of course, is my favorite instrument, not that I’m biased or anything. I truly, deeply, madly regret not continuing to play the piano after I graduated college. I didn’t touch a keyboard for what must have been 15 years, maybe more. Why? I think there was a certain level of inadequacy that I felt as a pianist. My college piano teacher was very inspiring, yet because of my own issues, I never quite met her expectations. I don’t think I was capable of it at the time, as there was so much exploration that needed to take place surrounding my identity and self. I eventually began teaching piano and had my baby grand shipped out to California from Louisiana. We barely had space enough for it to fit in our tiny condo at the time. I joined the Music Teacher’s Association of CA and opened up my own studio. Still, I didn’t play very much; however, I did teach for about ten years, until I went back to grad school for social work.

Long before social work, I took classes at ASU as part of the master’s program in piano pedagogy and performance. I began studying under a doctorate student in order to get to a level where I could audition for the program. Sinjin, although nice, was not the greatest teacher. I had lost a great deal of skill as a result of not playing for so many years and was attempting to re-learn some of the pieces I’d performed in college. In hindsight, that was a huge undertaking, and as a result of over-practicing, I developed carpel tunnel syndrome in my right wrist. Cortisone shots were painful, and I was told by the doctor to stop practicing. That was not going to happen. I practiced several hours a day, as long as the cortisone provided relief.

At my lessons, Sinjin loved to change the fingering of almost every piece I was practicing in some of the more difficult passages. Weekly, as though this would help. That’s like asking someone to change the lyrics in a song repeatedly and re-memorize them over and over, only worse. It required more work, and with constant change, muscle memory was almost impossible. On top of that frustration, I sensed from Sinjin that I just wasn’t good enough to be in ASU’s master’s level program. There were many, many young, talented students, and I was very intimidated by them all, not to mention the program director, who was a bit of a snob. The snobbishness throughout the piano department irked me, so I dropped out. I did not want to spend my days practicing nine or ten hours knowing that I may or may not be selected to enter the program while, at the same time, feeling less than.  Eventually, I studied music therapy thinking that I’d rather use music as a tool for healing. Although I loved the idea of helping others through music, I had to leave that career because it just wasn’t lucrative enough, although I continue to keep my certification current.

A couple of weeks ago, I finally had my baby grand piano tuned for the first time since moving to California – that’s two years with an out of tune piano. It sounds great now. I just wish that I could play like I used to and have to admit that it’s quite disappointing to not be able to pick things back up. I try to remind myself that at least I can still read music and play simpler pieces. Interestingly, I learned that my new piano tuner is also adopted. It’s ironic to me how I randomly end up within the same orbit as other adoptees. For example, when I worked at Arizona State Hospital, I learned that my co-worker, Greg, was an adoptee from Brazil, and the psychiatrist I worked with had three internationally adopted children. I don’t know our piano tuner’s story, as my husband had a conversation with him after he came back a second time to fix a sticking key. I was, unfortunately, at a work-related event. I hope to learn more one day though.

Despite my inability to play as I once did, I still love music almost more than life itself. I remember times practicing in college getting completely, utterly lost in the music that I was playing. I honestly had a better relationship with music than with people. Kinda sad, but true. Music doesn’t judge or have expectations like people, and it’s easy to form an attachment to. I hope one day to use music therapeutically more frequently with adoptees and adoptive families. As Victor Hugo said, “Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.” 

I’ve included below the YouTube video of the Pollini & Pollini performance of Beethoven’s “Emperor” Piano Concerto. Enjoy.

Header Photo by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash

adoptee singer-songwriter

Hello folks! How’s it going? I wanted to introduce a fellow adoptee and singer-songwriter, Ferera Swan, whose new single release, “Second Time,” will debut on February 1st.

second timeFerera Swan, is an artist, adoptee, and advocate who intends to use her musical talents to bring greater awareness around mental health, trauma, adoption, foster care, and victim abuse. Her own adoption journey inspires her songwriting and will truly resonate with other adoptees. Ferera learned that she was adopted at the age of ten, and like many adoptees, felt the ache of unanswered questions. This she channeled into songwriting.  She wrote her first song at age 12, then quickly moved on to compose her first cinematic score, “Serenity,” at age 14. “Serenity” was eventually performed by four different orchestras during her senior year in high school. Her original piece, “Lighthouse,” was featured as a soundtrack in the film documentary, Swim for the Reef, which premiered at the Cannes Film Festival (2016) in France. Ferera’s music has been featured in soundtracks, film festivals, and she has written with hit makers including Pam Sheyne (co-writer of GRAMMY award-winning Christina Aguilera’s ‘Genie In A Bottle’).

Ferera’s debut single, “Second Time,” is a deeply personal work and was written for her birth mother following their reunion. This event once again sparked feelings of great loss and woundedness. Swan says: “By allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we inspire others to be curious about their own pain. Together, we spread the kind of love and healing this world needs.” 

To learn more about Ferera, visit her website and blog, soulnotes. Please give the sneak peak below of Ferera’s song, “Second Time,” a listen, and be sure to grab a copy or stream it on February 1, 2019!

“Oh, you’ve shown me everything I need to know about you
Now I finally understand just why I’ve been without you
How can you say you love someone you don’t even want to know?”
– “Second Time” lyrics

Connect With Ferera Swan: Website  | Facebook | Twitter | InstagramYouTube | Soundcloud

extraordinarily ordinary life

I’ve been a little under the weather this week and have been out of the office, lazing around watching Netflix and drinking lots hot tea. There is much value in slowing down, although I don’t recommend getting sick in order to do so. When I do get some down time I too seldom realize how fast life is going and that I’m spinning out of control. In those moments, I try to slow down and look for things that bring comfort. So this morning, I tuned into the NPR All Songs Considered Podcast. Wow, so soul-inspiring. The song list included: 1) John Denver: “Poems, Prayers and Promises,” 2) Tom Adams: “In Darkness,” 3) Sharon Van Etten: “Come Back Kid,” 4: SOAK: “Everybody Loves You,” 5: Miya Folick: “THingaming,” 6) Jason Lytle: “Color of Dirt,” 7) J.S. Ondara: “American Dream.” I loved all of the songs, but the song that stood out to me this morning was John Denver’s, “Poems, Prayers and Promises.” Talk about a song that just sucker punches you right in the gut.

Poems, Prayers and Promises” resonated with me deeply. Perhaps it has to do with getting older, but lately, I’ve given much thought to the days of old, reflecting on raising my daughter, going to graduate school and even further back to high school and college. Reminiscing about easier times. When my daughter was growing up, I taught piano, primarily to young kids and a few adults, so I could be home with her. I often felt pressure to get a full-time job to supplement our household income, but I’m glad I didn’t give in to it. Life was much slower back then, as being a mom was my biggest role and my most favorite role ever. My daughter is now in college, and I’m working full-time, trying to obtain clinical licensure. Ugh. The chapters related to raising a family have closed. New ones have followed. I’m not particularly enjoying the new chapters. On most days, it feels like a grind. At my age, grinding is not particularly fun.

I guess it’s taken me this long to realize that after all of the graduate school, student loans, goals and achievements, I’m pretty disillusioned and tired. And more importantly, I realize that all of the misplaced ambitions were primarily to gain a sense of self worth and significance. After a lifetime of feeling invisible, one desires nothing more than to be seen and heard. Adoptee stuff.

What I’m learning is that life is so much more valuable than achieving. It’s about enjoying every minute of it and letting go of *!@# that brings you down. I’m still working on working on that , and I wish that I could impress it upon my daughter, who is starting her life as a grown up. She is doing so well, despite many challenges in her beautiful, young life.

Motherhood taught me a lot about life and love and ease. I guess that’s why I miss it so much, not that I don’t continue to mother, it’s just different now. This is what I know: Hold the people and things you love the most close to your heart everyday. That is why I so desperately want to go back to Taiwan. To see my birth family. Alas, there are always obstacles. Yes, there is something to be said and learned from achieving and making a difference. But life is short, and you cannot go back. Do what makes you happy, and don’t let naysayers dissuade you. Surround yourself with others who support you and your dreams because God knows, life is not easy. I wish that someone had told me these things when I was a young.

One day I hope to have clinical Iicensure. I’ve worked so hard for it, yet it feels as though it’s beyond my reach. I truly hope that it has not all been in vain, as things that are most valuable do not come by way of a diploma or a degree or clinical hours. There are moments in time I wish I could redo; nevertheless, life is precious. Your life is precious. Every single minute of it.

Photo by Kenny Luo on Unsplash

a thousand years

It’s been just over a year since I reunited with my birthfamily in Taipei, Taiwan. Distance, of course, puts us at a huge disadvantage for seeing each other more often. I think of them often, though, especially my two sisters who I spent most of my time with in Taiwan. In those brief ten days, we got to know each other and tried to fit into a week what we had missed in half a lifetime. They took me under their wings and introduced me to a culture that I never knew. I keep in touch with my eldest sister via email. However, I learned late last year that she had become ill and required surgery. She didn’t tell me at first because she didn’t want me to worry. Furthermore, there were complications following surgery. My other sister took care of her during and after the surgery. My eldest sister and I continue to keep in touch as much as she is able to, but reading and using the computer are difficult for her now. I pray for her complete recovery and also for the rest of my family in Taiwan. In dedication to my two lovely sisters and family in Taiwan, I share this song by Christina Perri, “A Thousand Years.” The lyrics remind me of how significant our reunion was in my life and that we found each other so late in our lives. You will see the lyrics posted in a unique way throughout the video. Sending love and hugs out to my two sisters through this song ♥

south asian children’s songs

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You’ve probably heard it said that music has the power to reach across cultures.It’s the universal language. In fact, almost every culture that’s ever existed has a history of musical traditions or a body of folk songs that are passed down, often as children’s song. No matter what part of the world you live in, music brings joy, connects and touches lives significantly. I remember a special record of music from around the world that my adoptive mom gave me as a little girl. There was one song in particular, a Japanese folk song, called “Usagi” that I listened to over and over again. To this day, I remember every single word of that song! In fact, I could sing it for you. I loved the lilting pentatonic melody, so exotic and beautiful to my little ears.

Recently, I learned from NPR of a newly released collection of children’s folk songs that you can pass along to your kids. It’s called “Rabbit Days and Dumplings” and is a collection of songs from East Asia. The CD is a creation of Korean musician/violinist, Elena Moon Park, in collaboration with children’s music favorite, Dan Zanes. Park is a Korean-American who was born and raised in East Tennessee by immigrant parents from South Korea. She and Zanes, along with several other musician friends, have worked together musically for years as Dan Zanes and Friends, a popular children’s music band. For this project, Park also brought in several other musicians from around New York City.

Park says that “seeing a lack of music from this part of the world in the family music scene” is what prompted her to make the CD. There are 16 songs collected from China, Korea, Japan, Taiwan, and Tibet. Highlights include, “Doraji,” a traditional Korean song about the doraji, a root that is used for medicinal purposes and “Diu Shou Juan,” a cheerful recording of a game song from China. One of the songs from Taiwan is called, “Diu Diu Deng,” a train song, featuring Wu Man on pipa, a Chinese stringed instrument. According to Park, “The lyrics of the song are basically describing a train as it enters a tunnel, and water drops on top of the train, makes that sound — ‘diu diu’ — which sounds like a coin that’s flipping onto a surface.” Then there is “Ti Oh Oh,” one of the sillier songs on the album. It’s also Taiwanese with lyrics that talk about a grandmother and grandfather having an argument over whether to season their eel spicy or bland. In addition to the wonderful music, the CD comes with beautiful artwork and liner notes illustrated by Kristiana Parn and Sonia de la Santos, as well as background information about each song. I think whether Asian or not, you will be delighted by the eclectic mix of cross-cultural songs on this CD.

To listen to “Diu Diu Deng” and to read more about Park and Rabbit Days and Dumplings, please click here. Happy listening!

Elena Moon Park and Dan Zanes talk about Rabbit Days and Dumplings

*Artwork above by Kristiana Parn graces CD cover of Rabbit Days and Dumplings