adoption anniversary

You know, I’ve never given a single thought to the anniversary date of my adoption. Each year has come and gone for the past 44 years, and I have lived in silent disregard. It’s not that I purposely ignored it. I guess it’s just never been something of significance to me – until this year. I don’t ever remember celebrating this date with my adoptive parents. Did my mom ever talk about it? I don’t think so. It makes me wonder if other adoptive families celebrate the anniversary of their child’s adoption? Recently, I was talking to a friend of mine who adopted a little girl from China back in 1997, the same year our daughter was born. She happened to mention that it was the anniversary of her daughter’s adoption. I congratulated her and offered my encouragement, but it didn’t dawn on me that celebrating the anniversary of an adopted child is something special. I realized this week that December 16th is my adoption anniversary. It was the day that my adoption became official. That’s today! I wonder if my adoptive parents ever thought about that day as each December 16th rolled by? I don’t feel bad that we didn’t celebrate. I’m just happy to recognize now that this day, the 16th, is the day I became Marijane Chaling Buck, the daughter of Wendell and Gloria Buck.

I wish that my adoptive parents were still living so that I could thank them for giving me so much more than words can express. I find it hard to put it down in words. I never doubted their love for me. I wish that I had thanked them more when they were living. I would also want to thank my birth parents, though I will never have that opportunity, especially my biological mom. What would I say to her? Thank you for giving me up so that I could be provided for in ways that you and my biological father could not afford? Thank you for your sacrifice in doing so? I wish that I could have known you a little, or at least seen a picture of you…I know that girls were often given up for adoption because boys were more desirable, and mothers were frequently coerced by their husbands to give up baby girls, although I don’t know for sure if this was the case in my situation.

In past posts, I’ve written about how my parents adopted me based on my mom’s diary entries (my adoption…the beginning, a mystery letter found). I went back to re-read some of my old posts, and it made me realize that there is so much my parents didn’t tell me about my adoption. Of course, I’m curious, although it has taken many years for the curiosity to ignite. In any case, I’m happy to recognize my adoption anniversary. I’m celebrating with my family. Nothing big, just going out to my favorite Vietnamese restaurant.

12 thoughts on “adoption anniversary

  1. Mr. LTE

    I will go a bit counter to the comments on here.
    .
    I am not sure why your parents would celebrate the adoption day, You were their daughter, part of the family. Does a parent celebrate the day of birth or the day they brought their baby home from the hospital? In their way, your parents were trying to create a seamless life for you and to them you were Marijane, their daughter, not Marijane their little Chinese girl adoptee.
    .
    You are a lucky girl.

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    1. Marijane Post author

      Hey Mr. LTE, I agree wholeheartedly, I am a very lucky girl and never ever forget it. In every way, my parents did create a seamless life for me. It was no different from any other child’s relationship with their parents. I have many friends who have adopted children from different countries and they do celebrate not only their adopted child’s birthday, but also their child’s adoption day. I don’t feel bad in any way that my parents did not celebrate such a day with me. It’s just nice now to take the time to acknowledge this special day and remember what wonderful parents I had. Thanks for visiting my blog.

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  2. Traci Cline

    Marijane Your writings are so special. They give me a glimpse of how my children may feel now as well as when they grow up. We celebrate each “gotcha day” and try to be as honest and upfront as we can about their adoption. They were 4 and 5 when they were adopted so they understand a bit more which also means they also understand and have memories of their abuse and abandonment which comes with its own scars. Thank you for being so open and honest.

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    1. Marijane Post author

      Traci, thanks very much for stopping by my blog! I appreciate your comments. I imagine that the memories of abuse and abandonment that your children have are very difficult for them and for you as their parent. I hope that their pain diminishes over time and that through their adoption into your family, they feel the love you have for them and are experience much healing.

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  3. kelley

    Marijane
    Today we are going to an adoption playgroup holiday party. A few of the children are adopted from Taiwan and we all KNOW Tien- she to me = my daughter. She actually chose the child not the parents as the referrals came into her agency she called us and based on criteria chose the family for the child. So I have a spot in my heart for Tien.
    We’ve been back to Taiwan- my daughter was adopted n 2007- at 6 months of age to the day! We celebrate the day we adopted her and let me tell you an adopted mom- or set of parents NEVER forget that day- it’s surreal. One minute you are a couple and the next a mom and dad! WOW! I am excited for you and your trip during the holidays is so ver interesting. A lot of firecrackers will be going off! When we adopted our daughter it was also during the CNY week and it was fun!

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    1. Marijane Post author

      Wow! There are so many moms who have commented that they know Tien. I only hear how wonderful she is! She truly is helping to make my trip to Taiwan possible. I would never be traveling there if it weren’t for Tien. I’m happy to learn that adoptive parents never forget the day of their child’s adoption! I know I will never forget from now on.
      I look forward to a lot of firecrackers the week of CNY! Thanks for visiting my blog, Kelley!

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  4. Lee Anne

    I love your posts! As an adoptive parent, it’s so insightful to listen to your thoughts on your adoption. We adopted our daughter from China on October 30, 2006 and we celebrate every year with a special dinner – normally we eat out. We call it our Family Day since we celebrate it as a special day for our whole family instead of just a special day for our daughter. Many adoptive families call it Gotcha Day and if you do an internet search you’ll come across lots of hits. Looking forward to reading about your trip! Happy Adoption Day to you!

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    1. Marijane Post author

      Lee Anne, thank you so much for your comments! It really warms my heart to hear from other adoptive families. I never knew about Gotcha Day, but am so glad that you told me about it and will definitely Google it. It’s also nice to know that families celebrate adoption anniversaries. Happy holidays to you and your family!

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  5. anewmoon123

    Marijane, all of your posts are powerful but this one seems to be the one that gives me chills. Simply…thank you for including all of us in this most exciting experience. I can hardly wait to hear from you when you land in “your” country. I hope you can email us and let us know how you are doing.

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