I have searched for my birth family now for a little over a year. What instigated this search so late in my life was the discovery of my adoption papers almost 3 years ago after the death of my adoptive mom. My original adoption contract had long been hidden away in my parent’s attic back home in Louisiana. It remained buried in a box nearly 40 years before I discovered that they even existed. When I set out to find my birth family, I knew that it would be challenging. So many years had passed. I was adopted in December of 1966. Were there any records that had survived the years? Was anyone from my birth family still living? Where should I start to look for answers? Who do I try to contact first? Little by little, I’ve been able to piece together bits of my past, and yet so many questions remain unanswered. My mother’s diaries and an old letter I found helped fill in some gaps. The internet and email have been invaluable resources during this journey. I’ve done search after search for anything related to The Family Planning Association of China, the organization from where I was adopted. Unfortunately, the agency no longer exists. I have emailed countless numbers of people who have in turn provided other contacts and resources to assist me. Still so many unanswered questions. Recently I had given up hope of ever finding anything or anyone related to my adoption and birth family. Perhaps destiny would have it that all was best left in the past. Last week, however, hope re-emerged as I read these comments in my email delivered via WordPress from my very own blog:

“Do the words Family Planning Association of China, Taipei City mean anything to you? I was adopted at the age of 3 via that organisation, but unlike you got delivered to London, Heathrow in the summer of 1970. The thought of going back to recover the lost, forgotten roots of my beginnings has been with me for a very long time…”

I couldn’t believe my eyes. Was it conceivable that someone who had also been adopted from The Family Planning Association had stumbled upon my blog? I went straight to my blog, and sure enough, Ma-li Calder’s comments were right there. I followed the link to her blog to see if I could find any pictures of what she looked like. Then I emailed her, and we set up a time to contact each other through Skype. I learned that Ma-li lives in Germany between the cities of Weimer and Erfurt. There’s a 9 hour time difference, so catching up to each other was tricky. On Easter morning after my family and I had attended service, I discovered that Ma-li had left a voice message on my cell phone, I detected a soft British accent. After a few other attempts, we finally connected last week.

I was getting ready for work when I saw the incoming call from Skype. Knowing it was Ma-li, I rushed to log on so that I wouldn’t miss her call. It was gratifying to actually see her face and hear her voice in real-time. I couldn’t help but notice that we had such similarly shaped eyes. She held a business card up to the computer screen with the name Tze-Kuan Shu Kan centered across it. I have googled that name in the past thousands of times in hopes of finding something about The Family Planning Association of China. Mrs. Kan was the director at the time of my adoption and obviously Ma-li’s adoption as well. I have a similar card with the same name embossed on it, which I found stashed away with my adoption papers. Ma-li and I talked as long as we could before I had to leave for work. I learned that she and I share many things in common. Ma-li was adopted by an older British couple in the summer of 1970 and was raised in the UK. I was adopted by an older American couple, but raised in the US. Ma-li’s father served in World War II in the Royal Air Force. He was a pilot and flew a Supermarine Spitfire, a fighter aircraft used by the British primarily during WW II. My father was also a pilot in the US Army Air Corp and flew a B-24 Liberator. Perhaps their paths crossed during combat somewhere up in the big blue. Ma-li said that her parents were terribly old-fashioned and strict as were mine. Her father left the family when she was very young, so she was raised primarily by her adoptive mom as an only child. For the most part, I too, was raised as an only child. Ma-li’s parents are no longer living, just as both of my parents have passed on. We talked about the difficulties of growing up looking different from everyone else around us. She, too, struggled with feelings of inadequacy and wanting to fit in, an Asian face that stood out among the crowd. Interestingly, Ma-li is just one year younger than me, however I was adopted at a younger age. My parents got me at the age of 4 months from the orphanage. Ma-li was adopted around the age of 3 years. She learned from her adoption contract that her birth father was not around the family much and that she was given up for adoption because her mother was unable to care for her. My birth family also gave me up for adoption because they did not have the financial means to take care of me. I know that I was the youngest and 4th daughter born to my birth family. Ma-li feels strongly that she, too, has siblings somewhere out there.

I would have liked to have kept talking with Ma-li that morning. I’m still amazed that she found me through my blog. How fortunate I am to have connected with another adoptee from the same country, adopted from the very same organization within a very close period of time, especially in light of all that my parents kept secret. What are the chances of that happening? Ma-li and I ended our conversation more motivated to, as she said, recover the lost forgotten roots of our beginnings. Perhaps between the two of us, we’ll make new discoveries leading us to living members of our birth families. It’s worth trying again. In Ma-li, I’ve found a kindred spirit, even if she is halfway across the world.

Pictures: Top – Ma-Li , Bottom – Me, 1 years old